There are bereaved parents who believe the only way they can
move towards healing is to leave their home and find a new location to live and
to get rid of all their child’s belongings.
“Too many sad memories,” one mother says. “I can’t bear to
pass by my son’s bedroom without breaking down,” says a dad. For them, that is
the right choice.
On the other hand, another mom says, “I don’t know if I can
ever pack up my daughter’s room.” She refuses to move anything, and it’s been
five years.
As it is with grieving, you need to take time to make these
important decisions. Don’t rush into anything until you are absolutely sure.
And don’t let others tell you what you should do. You must decide for yourself
what is right only for you!
I chose to stay put for many years, but I did eventually
want to clear her room out, except for precious belongings, jewelry, many
stuffed animals, some clothing and memorabilia of photos and trophies that has
meaning to me. It means a lot to me to be able to go through all of it whenever
I feel a need, particularly on an anniversary or birthday.
I remember when I was ready to get rid of my daughter’s
clothes, I had a carport sale. As each item sold, I agonized whether it was the
right thing to do. Afterwards, I ended up keeping a few dresses and tops, just
so I could feel her close to me. When I found a woman who made stuffed animals
out of children’s clothing, I choose a blouse I thought would look good as part
of a bear, but when the time came to mail it to the woman to make it for me, I
couldn’t do it. I had to keep it and 20 years later it is still in my closet,
as is some t-shirts and sweat shirts.
As for the furniture in her room, I loaned that to a friend
who needed it for her child. She was thrilled to get it, and I was happy that
it was still mine to reclaim when she was done using it. I decided I would keep
loaning it out until I decide to let it go.
Make decisions about your child’s possessions and whether
you believe it is right for you to move, but don’t be hasty in any of those
decisions. Emotions could take over and end up causing you to make a wrong
decision. Discuss it with family, friends and relatives, see what they think.
You might get some good ideas from them also. Good luck!
