Making Choices

Sometimes, what someone writes about coping, strikes you as the truth, especially when you agree completely with that author. Below is one of those essays. Read on and see if you don’t agree with both myself and the author about choices we have to make as bereaved parents.

The everyday decisions that everyone had to make are such things as: what do I have to do today, what shall I wear, where do I need to be, how will I handle the situations I know I will be involved in.

However, when you are a bereaved parents, it is much more complicated. Even these simple mundane activities can be extremely difficult, when you may feel like you haven’t the strength to even get out of bed, nor do you want to. It can be so tempting to remain there and do nothing.

But those of us in grief have to exert extra effort every day to do the things that must be done. Most of our energy is taken by grief, especially at the beginning. We go through the motions of living. If we are to cope with our grief and hopefully arrive at living with our loss, we must put forth that extra effort, for as long as it takes. We must find ways to help ourselves, take an active part in the way we feel. Talking about the loss, crying, taking care of ourselves, joining a support group, getting professional help are some of the things that should help.

But if we do not try to help ourselves, we will surely be stuck. In other words, time alone does not heal. It is what we do with the time that helps us get to a place where we can live with the loss.

We must each decide what it will take for us to cope with the fact that our child is gone and will not return to this earth.

As we know, life will never be the same; we will never be the same. But life can still be good and we can still find joy and meaning in it. We have to try. We have to work at it.

 by Tonya Sandoval, Pueblo Ark Valley TCF chapter, Pueblo, CO